7 Days of ?!?!

Posted on November 19, 2008

I'm not even sure what day it is! We've been going at such a whirlwind pace getting ready to go to London and Johannesburg that it's been a challenge to keep the challenge.

But don't worry. Lisa and I haven't bailed out. It's just made us think more about our strategy to make time to make love. And there are so many things that Lisa and I have discovered so far.

For one, we are thinking more creatively about sex in order to avoid the monotony that can set in. We know this challenge isn't for competition. It's something that will strengthen our marriage and give us the greater "reward" of deeper intimacy. The last few days we've really had to rachet up the thought process and communication that goes into sex.

We've also taken time to pray for so many couples who aren't laughing about this challenge, but crying because of pain and hurt. We know that God is the great healer and that he can provide that healing for every couple. And this challenge can play a big role in that healing as we grow closer together and closer to God.

So far, Lisa and I are having a great time with this challenge! How about you?

20 Replies to "7 Days of ?!?!"

  • Committed to see this through
    November 19, 2008 (10:44 am)

    This challenge has been nothing to laugh about in our marriage. My spouse and I had a HUGE wake-up call about 2 weeks ago when porn files were found on a computer in our home. We are currently trying to overcome the shame and hurt that went along with these files being found.
    I have to admit, for us, this challenge was the last thing we thought would be a possibility in our marriage but both of us are committed to see how God is going to use it to grow us closer together and also to start the healing process for both of us.
    Also, on a lighter note, we have both realized that God has used this challenge and our participation and commitment to it as a tool of evangelism. Friends and coworkers know that FC is our church and have been asking us all sorts of questions about the challenge the biblical foundation of the challenge and YES, even if we are “doing it” every night. (God has a HUGE sense of humor since this is not something I go around and talk to just anyone about, and now it has been a tool to get them to come to FC and see what it’s all about!)
    Thank you for this challenge and for the commitment you and Lisa have to each other and to us.

  • Awake and obedient
    November 19, 2008 (11:12 am)

    Wow, what an impact this challenge has made in our lives! My marriage has been festering with pain and anguish over past betrayal, deep wounds from scathing words spoken, and a general sense of brokenness. As a wife, until I heard yours and Lisa’s message about our responsibility to serve one another in the marriage bed and how important fulfilling my husband’s sexual needs is to our overall relationship, I was resigned to dreading coming to bed at night. It actually hurt me to be physically intimate with him because of the emotional pain I felt. I had not realized how God uses sex as a way of uplifting married couples, sharing, communicating, forgiving, and even healing. Out of obedience to God, I decided to participate in this challenge and I’m so thankful I did. I’ve prayed for healing for our marriage for years, but it wasn’t until I made the decision to do this out of service and love for my husband and God that I have begun to feel some restoration in our relationship. Thank you so much for bringing this much needed message to so many with suffering marriages!

  • Learning LOTS
    November 19, 2008 (12:15 pm)

    Currently single and praying DAILY for each of you. I am learning so much more about life, love and the place sex should hold in our lives.
    Sex or physical anything is definitely not something I have ever been a stranger to.
    Raped at a young age and brought up in a male-dominant environment, I used sex as a way of “controlling”, “manipulating” and as a sick “sense of being”. It was something at which I excelled.
    Thank God for people in my life that would never stop holding me accountable, for never wanting to use the past as an excuse for the present and for God’s GRACE!
    God’s brought me a long ways over the last 17 years now from making porns and a countless variety of sexual this, that or other…
    Involved in a relationship that is definitely moving towards marriage and we are BOTH learning so much that we will be able to take into our marriage.
    Hearing the messages, talking with others and with each other is opening up an even deeper sense of respect for what we should treasure.
    Thank you for posting, praying and participating!

  • Need your prayers
    November 19, 2008 (12:58 pm)

    This challenge has been more than a challenge. It is forcing me to deal with buried hurts and pain in my marriage. I have wanted to just give up. Appreciate the prayers.

  • Hopeful
    November 19, 2008 (2:55 pm)

    Ed~ As I read some of the other posts, I pray for the couples who have so much to deal with this week. My husband and I committed to the 7 day “challenge” and are doing well. We both have been so hopeful that this will strengthen our marriage both emotionally and physically. We have been married for less than 6 years and had children very early in our marriage. With busy jobs, two kids under 5, and business travel, our physical relationship seems to have been on the back burner since the beginning.
    I admit that I’ve been the one letting the barriers get in our way. I’m not sure what the weeks after this week will look like, but we are full of hope and faith in God.

  • WB
    November 19, 2008 (3:47 pm)

    My husband and I have been attending FC for many, many years. We actually meet at a FC Singles event. I LOVE the fact that you and Lisa bear your souls to us and are honest and share your life with us. It’s great to attend a church where the pastor will teach on everything!!! Thanks for this post and update on how your 7 day challenge is going. You’re a keeper!

  • Happy in Texas
    November 19, 2008 (5:12 pm)

    My husband and I are recovering from infidelity in our marriage. The day you started this challenge almost marks it to the 1 yr anniversary of discovery. Happily, I can say due to our faith, support from church and our HT, and the God sent words that you have spoke through your sermons; we are well on our way to recovery! So we have taken this challenge with a smile and what a way to celebrate one of the most challenging years in our marriage – that ironically has been filled with unforeseen growth and blessings. And it is almost comical the obstacles that Satan has thrown at us this week so far from illness to children to work issues. But we are determined to overcome…and will. 
    I am so proud to be part of a church that is reaching so many people today in a way that people need to be reached. Marriage today is such hard work and I think a lot of the world today is missing the mark and unfortunately falling into Satan’s traps. Thank you for getting the word out, fighting this important battle in such a creative way and following God’s will in spite of the criticism.
    My prayer is for every marriage to come through this challenge with renewing faith and flowing heart. For marriages that are broken to be repaired and restored like never before. And for all those that don’t understand or are critics that they will seek the Word and that the Holy Spirit will speak to them so that they can have a chance to receive the wonderful blessings in this challenge.

  • a wife
    November 19, 2008 (6:48 pm)

    This challenge has been such a blessing in my life…it’s only day 4 and I can’t wait to see what happens by day 7!! My husband and I have had a great marriage for 27 years that includes sex, but for all these years I have been starved for more frequency. Our needs are quite different and I’m the one who wants more of the marriage bed.
    When I found out what last week’s message would be, I rejoiced! The messages I’ve heard in the past on the subject; telling the woman to be more open to physical intimacy, always made me feel so alone and just plain abnormal. I was discouraged at first to hear the same old exhortations to women about fulfilling your husband’s needs, with no mention of a wife’s needs, but after the service my husband said he could apply those points to himself. I realized that God is the one touching hearts and He cares about each of us and meeting our individual needs.
    Now we have a challenge to do it for 7 days, and as we participate, my husband is focused on hearing from God. The main thing I think we’re learning is that we can fit the marital act into our day regardless of the day’s events. My husband has mentioned some of the barriers Pastor Ed spoke about in last week’s message as being major obstacles to our physical intimacy, especially fatigue and career. Now they are out in the open and we can talk about them; we realize we can’t let them erode our sexual communion together.
    The seven day challenge has caused us to reach for some creative and original ways to connect physically; very reminiscent of when we were first married! On Sunday, as we discussed our plan for the next seven days, we decided to divide up the days and each take responsibility for planning that day’s sexual connection. We are now looking forward each day to the “something special” the other one has planned! I praise God for Pastor Ed bringing this message which has given me hope.

  • bittersweet week
    November 19, 2008 (9:07 pm)

    This week is a challenge for me. I am praying for healing in my marriage but I can’t participate in any way other than prayer because my husband and I are separated.
    When confronted with his addictions, and the lies and deceptions used to cover them up; he decided it was easier to file for divorce than to face his fears and let God do the work that no one else can.
    The divorce is not final. And I pray every day that he will decide that only by surrendering to God’s will for his life, will he find the peace and joy that he’s searching for.
    And I’m praying for all of the married couples who are struggling with those secret demons that no one outside of the marriage knows about.

  • Nancy Patricia Izeppi Hueske
    November 19, 2008 (9:09 pm)

    You are taking the message to a whole ‘nutha level!!!
    It is awesome that you are out there with a bold message! Taking sex and putting it back where God intended it to be!!

  • Need Lots of Prayer
    November 19, 2008 (9:18 pm)

    My wife and I have been married for almost 21 years. We’ve never had a lasting fullfilling sex life. I have never quite understood why. It’s been going on 4 close to 5 years now that we have not made love at all. I’m certain that I have dealt with every negative feeling there is surrounding this…, resentment, saddness, depression…ect, you name it! Every word that has been spoken about sex, in Ed’s message, and its place in a marriage has only been confirmation for me as to what I know in my heart to be true and inspired from God. God has been revealing all of these truths to me over the years. I can’t tell you how releasing it is for me to be able to express this for someone to hear. I have never been able to sit down with anyone and express all there is inside of me about this. I’ve had to accept this as a way of life and stay committed to our mariage and especially our children. I want so many people to hear this message and not go through what I,(or maybe we), are going through. I just know in my heart that having a healthy sex life is the tool that confirms to a spouse all of the characteristics that define Love in a marriage. I believe that the simple act of making Love speaks volumes to your mate that words cannot express. I want to thank Ed Young for being obediant to God in bringing this message. I ask for your prayers. Thanks!

  • mom to be and wife
    November 19, 2008 (9:33 pm)

    My husband and I agreed not to do this challenge…..just yet. The reason being is I am 8 months pregnant and could go into labor any day now. We have committed though to do this challenge in the spring after our son is born and the healing is complete. We have also committed to pray for all of the couples who are doing this challenge, and those who aren’t. We are also praying for the singles in our church. I look forward to reading more posts and seeing what everyone has to say. God Bless!

  • Teena
    November 20, 2008 (12:11 am)

    I am single… but still completely enjoyed this message. Its eye opening to read the testimonies of all these couples… the hurt they go through and to see how much work marriage is. But at the same time, its wonderful to see their faith in God to heal their marriage, to be able to forgive, and to continue leading a life that pleases God.
    Pastor Ed thank you for sharing such a powerful message…

  • Accepting Grace
    November 20, 2008 (10:18 am)

    What a week, so far. I have to admit, after hearing the message I felt a little bit bitter. You see, my marriage has been in turmoil for more time than it has been on track. The resentment, anger, disappointment that I feel, sometimes overwhelms me to the point of paralysis. And my first thought was “what about me??”. As a wife, I am supposed to serve my husband and help to keep lust from overtaking him by satisfying his needs. Because there has been infidelity on his part in the past, my first reaction was anger. So it is my fault he cheated? And he gets the clean slate?
    But then the challenge. The knowledge that I hae been given a clean slate by God – that I am forgiven and accepted, even with my falls. Admittedly, we have missed a couple of nights – but made up for them. And I am discovering it isn’t just the act of sexual intercourse, it is the healing, the communication, the forgiveness, the acceptance that I am experiencing along with the challange of daily love making.
    Please pray for this marriage – so close to the brink of falling apart. I will continue to pray for the other couples out there – the ones feeling joy and the ones feeling distress.
    Thank you, Ed and Lisa, for having the courage to say what needed to be said.

  • Jen
    November 20, 2008 (12:20 pm)

    Ed & Lisa: We have friends that are on staff with you so Fellowship isn’t new to us, however the message caught our ear on TV. My husband and I have been married only three years but it’s been a roller coaster of time. He is a suffer of back pain, multiple surgeries, which have overflowed in what God intended to be a sweet marriage.
    My husband did not come last week but I did and he’s planning on attending with me this week. We are currently seperated, he living in a hotel nearby so taking the challenge would take a great leap of faith.
    We decided to jump in with both feet, knowing God’s blessing with cover us and shield us from the rath of Satan. We made it through with flying colors through day three, however four has brought on an illness in him so a little under the weather.
    I also picked up the journal as well as the marriage mirror book and have enjoyed it greatly. Hopefully God will continue to heal this union and allow us to walk out into the freedom and love he only intended us to have, Happily Married.
    Thank you for breaching something so beautiful, there is hope!

  • BlueEyedSmile
    November 21, 2008 (12:12 pm)

    Being single, Ed gave me permission to eat chocolate cake for 7 days and it’s been great! The truth of the matter is that being single has been difficult. I’ve been single for 16 years and was celibate for 9 of those years until a year ago. This series had brought me back to the reasons I decided to be celibate and yes, I am taking it back to celibacy. If you are married, I am praying that this challenge bring your marriage to an all renewed level. I know there are a lot of hurts and lots of pain in so many marriages. I pray that this brings God back into the marriage and strengthens all married relationships both physically, mentally, emotionally and most of all…SPIRITUALLY. In the meantime… back to my chocolate cake!

  • Jeff
    November 21, 2008 (1:17 pm)

    I am a pastor up in Bellingham, WA and somehow found out about this challenge, and so my wife and I took it on as well! We feel the same tendency towards monotony as you do, and so we have had to invest in the intimacy – how we act towards each other during the day, how we communicate with each other in the moment, how we speak of each other to other people, etc. Let me tell you – the return is worth the investment. Thanks for the passion you have for Christ as you serve him.
    My heart and prayers go out to those who have commented so honestly about their struggles.

  • Manic Mommy
    November 23, 2008 (8:02 pm)

    My husband and I managed five days, it’s difficult to make time for this kinda stuff with three children in the home ages 11, 9 and 7. I’d say it was quite an accomplishment and we were very nice to one another. Good challenge!

  • Apparently_The_Only_Guy
    November 23, 2008 (11:09 pm)

    I just want to get this out there, because it seems like I am the only husband who’s at fault for not “wanting it” often enough.
    It seems that the husbands here are always to blame for having affairs, and the women are to blame here for not “satisfying” their husband enough.
    I am the opposite. No affairs in our marriage, thank God, but I don’t seem to have the zest for being intimate with my wife like I should.
    I think what Ed has said about all these images of this girl and that girl, and this one and that one might be part of my problem. Like he said, even Angelina Jolie can’t compare to all of those images seen all over the place in our society. Or perhaps it is some outside issue, like Ed said problems out of the bed do affect problems into the bedroom….
    Please pray for my mind to wash all that out so that I can give my wife her 7-days that she deserves, that I look forward to it like most husbands do.

  • Amy (Dandelion Seeds)
    January 5, 2009 (9:05 am)

    I came across your blog “accidentally” and I have to tell you how bummed I am that we missed this. I would have LOVED to have promoted this! However, I did do the second year of “The 12 Days of Christmas… SHMILY Style” challenging women to love their husbands the way their HUSBANDS want.
    Mike and I both believe very strongly in speaking about sex in Christian marriages and stressing the importance of it. Before I make a “book” here, I just wanted to let you know how wonderful I think this is and will look for more information on it, as my husband and I are in the process of planting a church and DEFINITELY would love to do something like this!!!!
    May God bless your ministry and your marriage!
    Amy Verlennich

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